Jarod Kintz, $3.33 Quotes

"It's absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."

"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I'd be OK."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, 'Thanks for being a fan.' Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, 'Thanks for being a fan.' Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"Goodbyes, they often come in waves."

"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase 'hurry up and wait."

"I'm very close to my dad. He's about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"I'm very close to my dad. He's about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"I'm very close to my dad. He's about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around to propose to her."

"I haven't been feeling like myself lately. No, I've been feeling like my clone."

"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."

"You're disoriented. You just woke up. You're in the future. You've been asleep for eight hours."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn't want to stir things up."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don't mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I'm a loser."

"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde's best."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I'm not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."

"Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times."

"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."

"If sharks really can smell blood, then I'd imagine they're all salivating over my erection right now."