Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it. Quotes

"I love running. I'm not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate."

"I love running. I'm not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate."

"Too bad Americans can't export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic."

"I'm on a government watch list. But I'm not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"I'm on a government watch list. But I'm not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"I'm on a government watch list. But I'm not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"I'm on a government watch list. But I'm not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour."

"I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It's not cigarette smoke, but I'd understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it."

"When push comes to shove, I'm going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."

"Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows."

"Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate--even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil."

"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I'm willing to give it 50%."

"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I'm willing to give it 50%."

"It's not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless--you are clueless."

"It's not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless--you are clueless."

"It's not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless--you are clueless."

"The canvas isn't empty. It's full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don't even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."

"The canvas isn't empty. It's full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don't even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."

"The canvas isn't empty. It's full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don't even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it."

"I had a missed call. It's probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, 'Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more."

"I'm not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I'll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer."

"I wouldn't even be the 'world's sexiest man' if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."

"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."

"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."

"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."

"You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I'll also be late."

"Respect doesn't have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?"

"I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical."