Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me Quotes

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."

"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."

"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."

"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."

"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."

"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."

"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."

"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."

"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."

"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."

"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."

"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."

"I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was."

"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."

"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."

"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."