Woody Allen Quotes

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

"I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."

"To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness."

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

"If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."